Dec 04, 2023
I’ve been watching The Crown S3 and got to thinking about the current state of the monarchy. What a tangle - how one gets to the top of the pile.
Nov 14, 2023
This morning I am up slightly early. But only slightly. Just barely beat LW, who comes in to our bed almost every night. The only nights he doesn’t come are his terrible bedtime nights. He is afraid of the dark. His bed is small. Who knows what it may be day to day, but it throws off my morning routine when he’s there. I would like to awaken and immediately do my Epley Maneuver to work on my continued “sea legs.” Then apply the salycilic acid to my beloved plantar warts. Then come to the front room, which is my preferred room in the house. (Side note: in Hollis’s Biography of a Poem I learned that Eliot always composed his poems on a typewriter. I haven’t yet finished this book, but I’m soon going to check it out again from our library.) Then proceed to the front room. In our house I prefer the front room by the windows that look toward the street. It has 2 Ikea chairs with the lower to the ground seats, which I find more comfortable. It’s also closer to the coffee.
But the front room usually isn’t where I sit: I sit in the living room. This is where the dog likes to sit when I let him out. This is where the kids show up and want the TV on for a bit. This is the crossroads of the family in the morning; I need to monitor it to keep things moving. People need to be on time. But is it where I prefer to sit? No.
This is just one little example. Over and over through the course of years, I am motivated each day by how to please the people around me; how to give them what they want. And throughout, make myself feel a bit less human under each subsuming of my will.
My inner dialogue right now: “None of this rises above a trifle. You are a whiny little thing, aren’t you. People, especially grown-ups, do this all the time. In fact, this is the essence of adulthood: sacrificing your own will and desires for the good of your family, or of society, or of the project. So suck it up.”
I don’t have a good response to that right now. But something has to change. Somehow I need to reclaim a prior self.
Oct 17, 2023
Count me among those fearing for Bandcamp’s future. I consider it my main source for purchased music, and if it topples, I’m not sure what I’ll do. Return to the iTunes Store?
Oct 13, 2023
I haven’t gotten over this story yet. I might’ve even shared it before, but it’s still in my head every day.
Oct 07, 2023
I can’t blame these folks in the piece for their decisions to relocate, but I also have to wonder whether in the end the old maxim will apply, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
This is a now page. Essentially an answer to the question, “What have you been up to recently?” I update this page as the focuses of my daily life ebb and flow.
I broke my Wordle streak this weekend - not on purpose - and I still felt fine about it. Didn’t even a slight pang of regret. Which felt like progress. Getting a bit of unencumbered enjoyment out of Wordle is the main reason I picked it up again.
I am feeling vaguely adrift. I’ll just leave it at that. I am also feeling proud of my kids for what they’re up to this school year - the progress they’re making.
I am also feeling physically beaten up. A new plantar wart developed near the heel of my left foot and it is dramatically impacting my steps. I am practically hobbling around. I am also still contending with the slight dizziness that I’ve felt since our Chicago trip last April. Yes, I’ve had sea legs since April - every moment of every day - except for a few hours one evening at the tail end of September. I’ve been dedicating myself to doing the Epley Maneuver every morning. All the while I’m worried that I’ll be stuck with these floating sensations for the rest of my life.
On which day should I try to carve out music recording time? For how long? Should I get to that Christmas album?
On which days should I play pickleball with the seniors over at the Rec?
Will I ever actually get to know somebody here? What are the chances that my constant curiosity and reportage mindset will stop irritating those close to me?
- The Rehearsal
- Nathan For You
- Scavengers Reign
- Javelin, Sufjan Stevens
- Again, OPN
- Tim Hecker discography
- Cousin, Wilco
- The New Yorker
- The Waste Land: A Biography of a Poem
- Fates and Furies, Lauren Groff
Recently began to use one of the British male Siri voices, and that was a good decision. They’re better than the Americans.
My best friends are the librarians
On a side note, I tried to read Lauren Groff. Yes, Obama loved her - along with many others. It didn’t click with me. Can’t get past the name “Lotto.” Lancelot? Give me a break. Who has time for it.
Johnny Marr finding that Gibson L-5 at the guitar shop was my favorite moment from this past months’ New Yorkers.
Soccer practice in late November is maybe more tolerable than in mid August. But when it’s breezy and about 50, things could feel better. Thank goodness for my midwestern wardrobe.
Do you ever see a random cozy building corner or an overpass and think That’s where I would move if I didn’t have housing.
There is also something solipsistic about the “laptop performance” concert. Which we also all can relate to.
It is the feat of harnessing a runaway laptop that is the engaging element of a live “laptop music” setting.
Will it be tamed or will it break or go its own way.
Morning pages: People don’t understand the quantity of what I do because it is how someone else wants it. Someone else prefers it to be such and such a way.
I can’t take the level of destruction happening in Gaza today. There have been 12,000 people killed. Indescribable horror and loss. Just so bad.